Expectations but zero encouragement

When someone projects huge expectations onto you but doesn’t give any encouragement to you, it can be very discouraging. It’s as if you should be able to achieve anything and everything with zero help. Just on your own. But every successful person had someone who supported them. And if they had very few or none, they atleast distanced themselves from those people who would only put expectations on them. Expectations doesn’t get you very far. As a standard we already have so many expectations being put on us that new ones do nothing. They can even completely destroy a person and their desires/passions.

So don’t put expectations on people but be encouraging instead. Tell someone they are capable. Don’t doubt them, they probably already doubt themselves a shitton already. It leads nowhere. When you doubt someone, it just means you think that if you were in that other persons shoes you believe you yourself couldn’t achieve what that other person is setting out to achieve. Let others dream big. If you’ve given up on your big dreams, stop being a Negative Nancy or Debbie Downer, be Positive Pete instead (sexism not intented, those just happen to be the names of imagary persons we’ve invented) and don’t bring others down. What good does it do? People already have enough fears, insecurities that they don’t need new ones.

Change your thoughts to change your reality

What you think about and tell yourself becomes your reality. If you are telling yourself daily that you are not good enough, you are fat, ugly etc. then you will only want to hear that from people. You will only look for evidence for that. It’s actually funny how it works. If you instead start telling yourself that you are good enough, you are awesome, funny etc. then you will see evidence for that. Paranoia is being fearful of very unlikely things, on the other hand pronoia is the phenomena that universe is conspiring to help you with everything you want to do. So become the master of your thoughts. At start you might not be able to control which kind of thoughts you get but you can choose to not give them any power and eventually they will stop appearing. Treat your thoughts like you would treat a garden. Take off the weeds and let the most beautiful flowers bloom. Your inner world is your outer world. If you change the way you see things, the things you see change. Your reality is where you look at. So look at all the positive aspects of life. You most likely have a roof over your head, food to eat everyday, running water and other privileges. Be thankful. Some people don’t have any of those things and for them it’s not certain whether they will see tomorrow or not. You are so lucky if you think about it. You don’t have to worry about a thing. Worrying is useless, it serves no purpose. It doesn’t serve you. When you worry, you get anxious and things become harder to accomplish. You procrastinate. You don’t even try. And if you never try, you can’t win. Master has failed more times than a student has even tried. So become mindful of your thoughts. Realise that they are just thoughts. They are probably what you got told to you when you were a child and now it has became your reality. Start to delete those programs from your head and replace them with new ones.

What I believe in

First of all, who really cares? If someone has a problem with what you believe in, they have a problem with what they believe in. It should be everyone’s own business what they believe in. Some people are so busy that they never even start to think about it, and that’s okey. There’s about 7 billion people in the world and also at the same time about 7 billion different points of view. Everyone sees the world differently. Some people try their whole life to see the world in a way it was told for them to see in. Never stop questioning. Why you think in a certain way? Were you raised to think that way?

Narcissism

Hello. Been a while. I’ve not written anything in this blog for a while and I’m sorry. In actuality I’m not sorry. I’ve not had the best mood lately and I haven’t really felt productive and I’m not claiming the fact that I’m currently in the army is the sole reason for it but it definitely has an at least slightly negative effect on me. I would be lying if I said I’m not depressed after coming from the exchange back to regular life, although it’s up to me to make my life more interesting and seek for new adventures. I never thought I’d abandon writing completely because I see so many benefits in it but sometimes the time just isn’t right (or left in my case because I’m left handed, right?). I’m getting a little sidetracked and I should go to the topic which is narcissism which is something I’ve had to deal almost for my whole life in some way or another. I’ll get to what I mean by this a little bit later.

New meditation and writing challenge

It’s time again. What is time anyway. Manmade concept, illusion. Listening to Imagine Dragon’s – It’s Time right now, how fitting. I’ve been having a break from regular meditation and writing but I feel like now I need to pick them up again. Meditation was what started it all for me. Before I started to meditate about 9 months ago, I was doubting myself, I was not eating well, I wasn’t exercising enough, I was more shy, I had never asked a girl out, I wasn’t living. I probably wouldn’t be in exchange right now if I didn’t start to meditate last summer. It truely changed my life. And now I’ll stop coming up with excuses for not doing it regularly. If I don’t set myself a challenge to do it, I just find myself forgetting to do it or just saying that I’ll do it tomorrow. Tomorrow doesn’t exist, there’s just the present moment. If you want to get something done, do it now. Stop waiting, Buddha said you only think you have time. Listening to a playlist named Motivation that I made for myself and every song in it is uplifting and motivating. Clock is almost 4pm and I’m yet to get out of my bed today but I don’t even care. It’s fine. Yesterday I met one of the greatest guys I’ve met in my life. Every word he said was the pure truth. Me and him were thinking exactly the same way about things. We talked about things that are not discussed regularly because they are so controversial. Things like the moon landing, 9/11, the state of world economy and how evil it is, legalizing weed, problems of alcohol, harder drugs, about auras, love, hate, fake people, the fact that there shouldn’t be borders in the world. Also about meditation, tattoos, elements (he taught me thumb stands for fire, index finger for wind, middle finger for holy spirit, ring finger for earth and pinkie for water and it all makes so much sense). I had a great night talking and spending time with him. He was swearing to me that he knew me from before, that he knew a guy just like me. I felt the same, one of my childhood friends was and is still just like him. Some people you just feel that you have met before with even though you just met them.

A month without drinking

Finally a month has gone after I decided I’ll take a break from drinking alcohol. I started on 10th of last month and ended 10th of this month (2 days ago). I’m currently in Erasmus exchange in Dornbirn, Austria and it can be easy to drink too much because we do have quite many parties here. Usually the problem isn’t that I drink too much but that I drink too frequently. First of all it’s alot of calories if you drink say 3 times a week and each time like 5 to 8 portions. Sometimes we have a party on monday, and then the next one is on thursday and ofcourse there will be drinking on friday and saturday (sometimes on sundays too). At first I wanted to be just a week without drinking but after the one week I didn’t still feel like drinking at all. And then after two weeks it just made sense to be atleast one month without drinking. It’s not that hard for me to be without drinking. I was I think 45 days without drinking from middle of December to the end of January. The first 30 days went pretty easily but towards the end I really started to feel like drinking again for a change. The fact that I was going through alot during that time might have something to do with me wanting to just get wasted and forget about it all. Ofcourse that’s not a longterm solution and the problems will just continue to persist and you might develop new ones with careless drinking.

My exchange so far

Long time no blogging. I’ve not really had the inpiration to write something that I want to publish lately. I’ve been writing journal from time to time (usually when I have nothing else to do) but most of the stuff I write in it isn’t really publishable. It’s usually just me freewriting on just anything that comes to my mind and usually it’s too personal for anyone else than me to read. Maybe some day I’ll publish everything I write. Alot has happened and alot is yet about to happen during my time in exchange. For the most part it has been awesome. Sometimes there’s boring moments when nothing really is happening. I need to find something to do during those moments. I might just lay in my bed and listen to music or read a book. I mean I always find something to do but not always is everything very exciting. Well there isn’t anyone else but me to blame for that.

Too many challenges

Lately I’ve been challenging myself alot. A bit too much. Today ends my 1h meditation challenge. I have also couple other challenges going on for me. Sober january. I must write 1000 words everyday. 5 times to the gym every week. Also I want to practice singing, yoga, playing guitar, play poker at some points and I’m playing floorball 4 times a week and volleyball 2 times a week. And I want to cycle everywhere and not use my car. And not eat any sweets of any sorts. What am I even doing. Why I’m making my life so hard for myself. I need to not restrict myself from everything and loosen up a little bit. I’ve stressed alot lately. I feel like I have so much to do but I can’t get anything done. From this point on I’ll meditate when I feel like it. I might start a new challenge when the time is right but I want to try to not make it too strict for myself with the rules of how I should live my life. I won’t go to gym if I don’t feel like it. Who says I must go there 5 times a week. I already do so much exercising already and too much exercising is a problem too. I’ve had sleeping issues,  memory problems and not the best appetite and also some personal problems. I’ve lately regularly woken up very early very alert and it’s hard to catch sleep again and then when I wake up again after catching sleep after a while, I feel very sleepy and can’t get much done in the mornings. Some days are different. Usually when I see people it’s fun but I’ve not been myself lately and sometimes I can’t think of anything to say when I feel like I would in the past in same kind of situations. Also I’m leaving for exchange in about 3 weeks and there’s alot of stuff that I’ve had to organize concerning it and still some left to do. Also I don’t know if I’ll go to army right after I come from exchange. On the other hand I’m up for it but on the other hand I’ve concidered skipping it to the future. But I think I’ll just go through with it. It’s just 2 months of duty that I have left, unless they figure out some way to make it longer for me.

1h meditation challenge

Some days ago my other meditation challenge ended. The rules in it were to meditate 20min in the morning and 20min in the night so 40min in total daily. Now I’m going to take it up a notch. I’ll meditate 1 hour daily. This time with no rules of when I need to meditate exactly.

How to get rid of social anxiety

I used to feel really uncomfortable in all kinds of social situations. I would often want to get out of situations where I might have to say something to people I didn’t know too well. Or worst yet I would fear someone would ask something from me and I’d have no idea what to answer. You have to realise you are not the only one with the problem. First you have to accept you have a problem. If you keep denying that there’s a problem, it’ll keep persisting and you won’t ever grow as a person. Realise it’s a process to get rid of it. Nobody becomes a good talker or listener overnight. It’s okey to be silent. You don’t have to have something to say about everything. If you don’t agree with someone, you don’t need to say it outloud if you don’t want to create a uncomfortable situation for yourself. If you remain silent, it also can be a way of saying you might not agree with them. You don’t need to explain yourself to anyone. It doesn’t matter what other people think of you. The image you have of yourself matters the most. Don’t let other people decide your worth.